


Black Hole Sun

by bladespark



Category: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Genre: Depression, Family, Gen, Mental Health Issues, supportive
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-11
Updated: 2019-07-11
Packaged: 2020-06-26 05:11:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19761274
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bladespark/pseuds/bladespark
Summary: The newly ascended Alicorn of Love is learning to use her newfound powers, including the ability to see emotions. When Cadance looks at Princess Celestia, though, she's sure that she must be doing something wrong, because what she sees makes no sense at all...A brief story about feeling depressed.





	Black Hole Sun

"Princess Celestia?"

Celestia looked up from her book to find Princess Cadance, the newest alicorn—what delight to even think that thought!—hovering uncertainly in the door of her study.

"Call me Celestia. Or just Tia, if you like. We're family now," said Celestia with a warm smile.

Cadance ducked her head just a bit, shyly. She was still in that awkward, late-adolescent stage, all legs and hooves and uncertainty. "I guess. It sounds strange though, to just say Celestia without a title."

"You could say 'Aunty Celestia' if you need a title."

Cadance blinked at her, then suddenly smiled, her whole face lighting up with it. "Aunty Celestia. I like that."

"What brings you here today, Cadance?"

"I had a question. Maybe two questions."

Celestia nodded and beckoned to her "niece" to enter the room. Cadance had been an alicorn for less than a month now. It was hardly surprising that she might have questions. "Come, sit with me," she said with a gesture towards the second couch in the comfortably appointed room. Cadance took the offered seat, tucking her hooves up neatly beneath her as she did. Even in this awkward stage she was more graceful than many ponies. Celestia's smile covered a bittersweetness. Luna had always been more graceful than should be possible too. Even in the heat of battle, or drunk half out of her mind, her lost sister—nearly a thousand years now, so far away and yet so very close—had always been elegant and composed. Even the thing she had become had been elegant...

The princess banished that thought, as she had a thousand thousand times before.

"So. You have questions about being an alicorn, I assume?"

"Sort of. I..." Cadance frowned faintly, as if searching for words. She looked up at Celestia, sitting across from her. "Do you... see things differently from other ponies?"

Celestia's lips quirked. "I suppose I could answer that after my long life, I see things very differently indeed. The years provide a perspective that others lack, and it makes it easier to think of things in the long term, whereas most ponies tend to be very much mired in their immediate concerns. But that's not what you meant, is it?"

Cadance rolled her eyes just a little, daringly, and shook her head. "No. I mean literally, do you see things that other ponies can't see. Things that aren't really there, but are... real in a way."

"I do, yes."

"You see the glows around ponies, then?"

Celestia chuckled and shook her head. "No. I see the celestial mechanism, and the way it interacts with the primal forces of the universe. It is very rare for a pony to impinge upon that."

"Oh."

"What is it that you see, niece?"

"I see... colors, I suppose is one way to put it. Auras. Glows that surround each and every pony. They can change a little, and it seems to depend on a pony's mood, but mostly they stay the same. They have something to do with a pony's essential nature, and feelings? It's hard to put into words. I first noticed that love has a color." She smiled a little shyly. "It's the same pink as my coat, so it was easy enough to make the connection. The other colors I'm still learning."

"Ah." Celestia nodded. "You see a pony's base emotional self."

"I think so. I started seeing the glows when I got my cutie mark, but they've gotten much more clear and obvious since I became an alicorn."

"Alicorns gain a number of peculiar talents, I've found."

"Yes. But... Aunty Tia?"

"Yes?"

"You..." Cadance paused, marshaling her thoughts. "I really don't understand what I'm seeing sometimes. Many ponies surprise me, their inner natures seem to have little to do with their outer selves, but you..."

"Ah." Celestia let out a soft sigh. "My aura has a lot of black in it, doesn't it?"

Cadance blinked. "Uhm. Yes. Why...? What is it? Is something wrong? Are you alright? I expected..."

"You expected a perfect golden glow of warm, happy sunlight." Celestia smiled a little bit wryly.

Cadance shifted, folding and unfolding her wings, and glanced away from Celestia. "Well, yes?"

"I could wish it were that way. It probably was, once upon a time."

Looking back and meeting Celestia's eyes, Cadance said, "What happened?"

Celestia turned away from her and was silent for a time. Cadance said nothing, waiting. She was young yet, but she already knew this lesson. Ponies would talk or wouldn't talk, prying would accomplish nothing. But giving a pony space to speak in often drew them out.

Finally Celestia said, softly, "Family is very important to me. That's why I'm happy to have you call me your aunt. I have been without family for a very long time. But..."

"But?" The single word was careful, gentle.

"But once, almost a thousand years ago, I had a sister. I... lost her, mostly through my own inattention and carelessness. And such things seldom leave a pony unmarked."

"You miss her, even after all these years."

"Yes," said Celestia simply.

"I'm sorry."

Celestia sighed again. "So am I."

"So that's why..."

"It's what began it. The simple fact of the matter is that I am depressed. Losing my sister... I think I spent the better part of a century barely living, practically comatose with despair. Equestria can go on without me, I discovered. I wasn't sure I could go on without my sister. Eventually I did. But it changed something in me. I can never be the carefree mare I once was."

Cadance looked baffled. "You? Depressed? But you don't seem sad."

Celestia gave a little shrug. "I learned to hide it long ago, and to go on with my life in spite of it. I do what must be done. Yet I do little more. Long ago I played such wonderful games, and had such fun. With dear Luna at my side we could venture anything. Now... now I do what I must. No more, no less."

"Oh Aunty Celestia." Suddenly Celestia was wrapped in a warm, pink embrace as Cadance wrapped forelegs and wings around her. "I'm so, so sorry. You've been so sad, for so long!"

For a long time Celestia simply leaned into the embrace, gently wrapping her own forelegs around Cadance in return. After a moment she folded her wings around Cadance too, hugging the smaller alicorn close. It was good, it was so very, very good to be able to do such a simple thing as hug a pony without reservations again. There was always a space between her and her little ponies, her subjects. She always had to seem strong, to seem without sorrow or fear. But now she could simply rest her head against Cadance's shoulder, however small it might be, and let the tears flow.

"Thank you," she said when she finally leaned back from Cadance's embrace.

"I just wish I could do more."

"You have done much, niece. By simply existing you have done more than you know. I have family again. And..." She thought then of the movement of four stars. Of a prophecy. Of the centuries of careful preparations that were just now beginning to show the first signs of fruition.

"And?" Cadance tilted her head in curiosity.

Celestia smiled gently. "And if all goes well, I will have more family soon. That thought alone is enough to lift the blackness for a time. When the day comes perhaps I can finally banish it forever."

"I hope so, Aunty Tia."

"So do I, my niece. So do I."

**Author's Note:**

> If you'd like to see me talk about writing, my works in progress, other creative endeavors, and my life in general, check out [my Dreamwidth blog](https://bladespark.dreamwidth.org/).


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